From episode: Clayton Councilwoman Holly Tillman and Walnut Creek Councilman Kevin Wilk - EPISODE 07
Host Jared Asch - The thing that's on my mind is I have three young daughters, all under the age of nine, how do I teach them to be open-minded, just say don't listen to that language is easier said than done.
Councilwoman Tillman Well, we've talked about it in my house since our daughters, we have two daughters, I have a sophomore in college and a senior in high school. From a young age, my husband and I just talked to them like they were little mini-adults. Our friend's daughter has learned from when they were little in elementary school, you don't allow that talk and behavior to happen. She is white, with a black adopted brother. If she heard him being attacked, she would speak up and you tell people when they're little kids, that's not nice. When you get to middle school, you can be a lot more vocal, which happened around the cotton ball incident when the school district decided they were going to do a small English class and history class. I think it was because they wanted to have small breakout groups within their own classroom and let people freely speak about how they felt about the incident. Some people thought it was whatever. It's not that big of a deal. They were normalized to it.
To Kevin's point, whereas others and this young girl just said, no, it was hateful. It is this is wrong. It is racist. This is not what we do. Well, she got in trouble after that session because one of the boys that was in class didn't like that she challenged him. It was a safe space where she let him know his way of thinking and his actions were racist. So she is the one who got in trouble because she let him know that his actions were racist. When her mom was called and told, your daughter spoke to this boy and it was supposed to be a safe space. The school told the mom afterward, she told him that he was a racist. The mom says, hold on a minute. What did the boy say? It was racist words that he used. The mom said, so why are you calling me? She did absolutely what she was supposed to do.
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I get that you wanted that to be a safe space, but we have taught her from a young age that if you hear something like that, you speak up and you let people know it's not acceptable. She did absolutely what she was supposed to do. He says, well, other families at this school don't have those kinds of conversations. She says that is not my problem. We have taught our children to be accepting and kind. If you hear something, you speak up and you say something. She did absolutely everything right. She's not in trouble. I will not be coming to have a conversation with her, send her back to class.
Bottomline have conversations with your kids at a young age. Teach them to be accepting. Unfortunately, people who are spewing hate speech think that they're right and we're wrong. But I think in my heart, I know that there are more on that side and think as all of us do, because as much hatred as we have in this country, I think we have a lot more people who aren't hateful. But they are also afraid to speak up.
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